Nando's

I have finished my Nando's food annoyingly branded and franchised to the end result of thinking it will be better than it really is.

This restaurant has managed to form an identity inside my head - only finalised when, one pound short of a drink, a gentleman loaned me a pound with the comment "Oh, Nandos is the best man, I've been looking forward to it all day" - at this point I realised I was in not a busy restaurant but a phenomenon and I was lucky enough to be joining them.

Despite this, the chicken was underwhelming; the outer surface gluggy and a coasted with too much sauce to result in crispness. Spiciness on barbecued chicken, in my opinion, is much better applied as a dry-rub held in oil to form a crust and sauce applied after. Indeed, they do have bottles of the same sauce available for a second application.

I look through the menu now, every instance of the word peri-peri capitalised (and in a slightly different font) PERI-PERI, which, in breaking style, gives the same semiotic effect as when prose is interrupted with a trademarked word marked ™, and it is read in my head in a comically exaggerated voice.

If you want some bread, you can't just get bread, it must be Garlic Bread, classified as a regular side, £2.25, or can be included as one of the two sides in a meal-deal, and then it is not normal bread - but franchised bread, the same kind you find at subway or on airline flights, probably distributed as semi-baked dough from the central Nando's factory already in the trademarked shape and re-heated onsite.

And still, I lust for Nandos when I a hungry in my room, I still dream about the flame-grilled chicken; successfully brainwashed. It's like when you realise McDonald's food is actually terrible at the age of 10, still you crave it an continue to eat it into your 20s.

***

Oh Nandos,

Ye has drawn me in yet again. Oh how I disparaged you at our last meeting.

Ye hath not escaped my mind. I concede I have fallen victim to your marketing, to your package.

I walk past your every day and see satisfied families, prams beside the tables, babies happy with their flame-grilled chicken. I want to share in their happiness.